Gertrude Lim has two sonsโone is 11, the other 13. Itโs her teenager sheโs worried about most when it comes to pot. โHeโs of an age where he reads the news and marijuana has already came up because they were discussing it at school,โ the Oakville, Ont., mom says. โI worry that legalization will encourage kids, who otherwise might not have done it when it was illegal, to try it.โ
Itโs a common concern among parents these days, says Marc Paris, the executive director of Drug Free Kids Canada. And weโre not the only ones who are confused about cannabis legalization. โKidsโ perceptions of the drug are all over the place, from โit can cause cancerโ to โitโs just a plant, so whatโs the big deal?โโ
The problem, Paris says, is that itโs a big deal. โEarly and frequent consumption of high tetrahydrocannabinol content can aggravate predispositions to certain mental disorders (such as psychosis, anxiety and depression) and hold back development of the prefrontal cortex, where judgement comes from.โ Early, frequent pot smoking is also associated with a motivational syndrome (lack of concentration, decreased interest in activities, etc.) and poor performance in school. Even more troubling is the fact that the rate of cannabis use is two times higher for Canadian youth (ages 15 to 24) as it is for adults; one in five teens ages 15 and 19 didnโt wait for it to be legal to puff away. โWe need to re-educate our kids,โ says Paris.
What should be of some comfort to parents, he adds, is that kids really do pay attention to us, and care what we think. โParents assume their kids donโt listen, but research shows that in households where thereโs an ongoing conversation about drugs, kids are less likely to try them,โ he says. โIn fact, parents are the first line of defense in any drug prevention strategy.โ Hereโs how to get the conversationย startedโand how to address the questions theyโre sure to ask.
โWhat's All This Talk About Marijuana?โ
Parents often feel ill-equipped and think their kids know more about pot than they do. Paris recommends doing some research ahead of time, then start the conversation casually. โHave the facts straight, then say, โHereโs what theyโre saying about this, letโs talk about it.โโ
Dr. Victoria Creighton is the clinical director of the Pine River Institute, a residential treatment centre for youth who struggle with addiction, addictive behaviours and mental health issues near Shelburne, Ont. She agrees with Paris and adds parents should aim for the talk to be โpart of an ongoing, regular, informal conversation where youโre offering thoughts and ideas,โ she says. โTrust in the relationship you have with your kids, and make sure the conversation isnโt a fear-driven lecture using scare tactics or threats.โ
When Elena Welch, a mom who lives nearย Calgary, first talked to her twins (now in their teens) about smoking pot, she kept it casual. โWe have very honest discussions about a range of topics, so this particular one was no different,โ she says. They talked about the effects (physical, psychological and social) of smoking dope and presented all sides of the argument with her brood. โThe new reality is that legalization is happening in our country and our children will be exposed to marijuana in a different way than beforeโand thatโs what needs to be discussed.โ
โWeed's LegalโDoesn't That Mean It's Ok?”
This was the first question Welchโs kids asked her. โWe told them that itโs similar to alcohol, and once upon a time there was prohibition because alcohol was deemed unsafe,โ she says. โAnd just as with any โadultโ substance, maturity and common sense are key, which is why you must be the age of majority (18 or 19, depending on your province) to make the choice to partake.โ
Remind them that alcohol is legal, but can damage the liver, and cigarettes are legal, but cause cancerโand like both alcohol and cigarettes, cannabis is addictive. โThey need to know that marijuana isnโt benign, itโs not something you can play with,โ Dr. Creighton says. โExplain that their brain is still developing and itโs fragile. If they expose it to a substance that affects it, there can be lasting damage.โ
โMy Friends Did It And Said It Was No Big Deal. Why Does It Matter If I Try It?”
Drugs are everywhere, Paris says, and parents often donโt realize how much peer pressure comes with them. โAt some point, your kids will be faced with the critical decision to take a joint thatโs offered to them, or to get in a car with someone whoโs high. If youโve had the conversation, when your child is having second thoughts your voice will be like that little angel sitting on his shoulder saying, โremember what we talked about?โโ
He suggests role playing to give them strategies they can use. Ask them, โWhat could you do if youโre at a party and someone offers you a joint?โ Getting their input makes kids more open to sharing what theyโre facing, Paris adds. โExplain the consequences of consuming and ask them, โWhy do you think that would be something of interest to you?โโ
Dr. Creighton says encouraging children to develop an identity outside of drugs also helps them cope with peer pressure. โTheir best defense is a strong sense of self and their own values, so they wonโt be like leaves in the wind,โ she says. โHelp them build a sense of identity: โIโm a dancer or a soccer playerโI donโt do drugs. I have something to be proud of and I donโt want to mess that up.โโ
“Hey, Parental Unit! Have You Ever Smoked Weed?”
Hmm. This oneโs a toughie, but yesโthe experts say you should be honest. โTalking about marijuana is a two-way conversation,โ Welch says. โMy kids are aware that Iโve tried it, I know that they havenโt tried it and they know kids at school who have done it.โ Dr. Creighton says a concern is that kids will use their parentsโ past to justify doing it themselves. You can explain that, as with cigarettes, people didnโt have the same facts about the consequences even a decade ago and now we know just how destructive these substances can be.
โIf People Use It As Medicine, How Can It Be Harmful?”
Find the answers together, Dr. Creighton says. โYou could say, โIโm in the process of trying to figure this out, letโs take a look at the research.โโ Discovering that there are different strains and not all cannabis is created equal also demonstrates just how complex the issue is. Plus, not all medications are good for usโmany cause side effects, for instance. The same is true for Mary Jane.
Lim opted to go the science route when she spoke to her son. โWe talked about how it affects short-term memory and how, though it will be legal, it has a detrimental effect on the brain.โ Her kids are already anti-smoking (they have a grandparent who smokes), which helps. โFor kids his age, smoking is seen really negatively and he mentioned that aspect of it,โ she says. โHe also asked us what we thoughtโheโs one of those kids who will take the information away, absorb it and ask more questions.โ So far, he hasnโt tried pot and neither have his friends. But Lim knows itโs a conversation that the family will continue to haveโand thatโs a good thing.
Originally published in ParentsCanada magazine, Spring/Summer 2018. Updated in March 2024.ย
