I remember taking my daughter to my first baseball game of the fall season. Other kids were there, including four-year-old Natalie, daughter of my teammate, John Corbett. All the kids immediately began playing with each other, except Natalie, who did her own thing. I can recall John saying, โI wish Natalie would play with the other kids, but she is just so shy.โ
Being shy around strangers is nothing out of the ordinary for kids. However, when Natalie began junior kindergarten, John realized there might be more to it than just shyness. โShe didnโt say anything on the first day. Or the second. Or the third,โ says John. โWe just chalked it up to the fact that she was shy, and hadnโt been exposed to a classroom setting through preschool or daycare. She would eventually warm up, right? After a couple of weeks, and then a month of not talking at school, we knew that something wasnโt right. Keep in mind, when she was home, we couldnโt get her to stop talking.โ
It turns out, Natalie was suffering from a childhood anxiety disorder called selective mutism. According to Dr. Annie Simpson, a registered psychologist and director at Cornerstone Child and Family Psychology Clinic in Vancouver, signs of selective mutism are commonly shown at the preschool age.
โThis is often the age when they are taking their first โstepsโ into the worldโa music class, preschool or other situations where they are expected to talk,โ says Dr. Simpson. โWe think that children develop selective mutism from a combination of genetic vulnerability and how the world interacts with that child. Specifically, children with selective mutism may have genes that predispose them to an anxiety disorder, and they may be behaviourally inhibited.โ
This doesnโt mean that every kid who shys away from a new friend is a selective mute. Dr. Simpson says to watch for these signs:
- Your child speaks in certain settings but stops talking, either completely or almost completely, when other people are around even after theyโve warmed up to a new situation or person.
- Looks frozen or paralyzed (like a โdeer in the headlightsโ) or even angry when asked questions by strangers or when she feels uncomfortable.
- Uses gestures like pointing, nodding or funny facial expressions to get her needs met despite knowing how to talk.
Natalie, thanks to a game of โtelephoneโ at Sparks, discovered that whispering in the ear of a friend or teacher is a great option for her. John now tells all teachers, coaches and activity leaders that if theyโd like to communicate with Natalie, ask for a whisperโshe will oblige after she has earned their trust.
โNatalie doesnโt want to be like this, but she canโt help it,โ says John. โImagine how scary it is for a child. Every new encounter, new class, new teacher, new extracurricular activity, new coachโshe is scared to death of new people and new situations. Itโs a helpless feeling for a parent.โ
Originally published in ParentsCanada magazine, Winter 2017.
