Going back to school is exciting for many kids, but for others, it can trigger social anxiety. With youth anxiety on the rise in Canada, knowing the signs and how to help is more important than ever.
Social anxiety is something Surrey, B.C., mom Jodie Grant knows well. Her daughter Sara* coped with social anxiety for several years. Making friends was tricky, and she had โhuge meltdownsโ after being dropped off for her morning classes. One year, she even missed six months of class because of her anxiety issues.
What Is Social Anxiety?
So what is social anxiety? โItโs an excessive fear of being judged or evaluated by others,โ says Dr. Lynn Miller, a registered psychologist and associate professor emeritus at the University of British Columbia. This fear can be overwhelming, sometimes causing physical symptoms like an upset stomachโwhich highlights the difference between people who are anxious, and those who are merely shy.
How Is It Different from Shyness?
Shyness is a personality style, says Dr. Miller, while social anxiety is a mental health issue. โShy people don't have this excessive internal agitation about constantly being judged,โ she says. โTheyโre just not as assertive, but still have friends and are successful at school. Itโs not interfering with their happiness.โ
Social anxiety, on the other hand, routinely interferes with a childโs day-to-day life. โIt stops them from doing age-appropriate things,โ explains Dr. Katharina Manassis, a retired child psychiatrist and professor emerita at the University of Toronto. Picture this scenario from Ottawa developmental psychologist Dr. Robert Coplan: A shy tween who has to give a presentation in class will likely be nervous and constantly practise in advance. On the day theyโre presenting, the tween will blush and be uncomfortable, but theyโll still get through it. In contrast, a tween with social anxiety might try to drop the course or skip class that day.
How Social Anxiety Holds Kids Back
Fear of public speaking is just one way anxiety can hold kids back. Socially anxious tweens might also avoid eye contact, have trouble making and keeping friends or flat-out refuse to go to school. That was often the case with Sara, her mom says. โItโs so, so hard. You see this child who is so afraid of being at schoolโand how do you protect her?โ
Fortunately, social anxiety is one of the most treatable mental health issues among adolescents, says Dr. Coplan.
โAnxiety feels terrible, but there are all kinds of skills you can teach your child,โ adds Dr. Miller.
How You Can Help
So, how you can help?
Research and explain to your tween what anxiety means. Access resources from the school and community.
Show them how to use relaxation techniques, such as taking deep breaths and exhaling slowly, to calm themselves down.
If itโs clear your tween is starting to socially withdraw, encourage them to begin a relationship with just one friend, or to start participating in a school activity. Those small stepping stones can help them move towards greater social interaction.
For some tweens with debilitating anxiety, medical intervention may be necessary. Start with your family doctor or a pediatrician who can refer you to a psychologist (or to a psychiatrist, if medication is needed).
Watch for These Signs of Social Anxiety in Kids
Experts say the following behaviour could be a sign that your child is suffering:
- An anxious tween might have trouble saying hello, participating in class or doing group work. They'll probably find recess challenging, and they'll often have few (or no) close friends.
- Going to school in general can become a challenge, and the child might try to avoid it entirely. The same thing goes for other social events, like after-school activities and sports teams.
- Since they're feeling stressed and fearful, a socially anxious tween may be more temperamental. A small change in family routine, like having hamburgers versus hot dogs for dinner, could make them fly off the handle. They're often bottling things up at schoolโso they might be prone to lashing out at home.
- The physical symptoms of anxiety can include trouble getting to sleep, a racing heart, an upset stomach and general gastric distress.
*Name has been changed.
Originally published in ParentsCanada magazine, August/September 2014.
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