Playing with children isnโt all fun and games. When it comes to friendly competition, itโs not unusual for the giggles to become tears faster than you can say โgo fishโ. For parents, this can be an overwhelming challenge.
Halifax psychologist Angela MacKay thinks it has a lot to do with our childrensโ emotional development. โWe all get frustrated with ourselves when we lose. Elementary school children have a harder time expressing that frustration appropriately, mainly because of their cognitive development and their limited ability to manage their emotions.โ
But childhood competition has a variety of positive benefits. It helps children develop cooperative, social and problem solving skills, plus it enhances their sense of cause and effect. โWhen youโre working towards a goal,โ says Angela. โYouโre paying attention to what works and what doesnโt. And thatโs a valuable life skill.โ
Luckily, it just takes a little patience โ and a lot of support โ to help our children develop the skills they need to become good sports.
Start by teaching them to enjoy the game itself. Encourage them to look at it as a series of small accomplishments, instead of something they won or lost.
When it comes to team sports, it also helps to look at individual successes. This technique not only saves their self-esteem, it also helps them learn from their mistakes and achievements. By paying attention to the small achievements, theyโll gain a better understanding of what worked and what didnโt. If they pass the ball to someone and it goes well, praise them for choosing to pass. If they make a decision that doesnโt work out, ask them what theyโd like to try next time.
We also need to empathize with our children when they lose. It helps to tell them that you know they did their best, and to point out the new skills they learned. And showing our children how to win gracefully is just as essential. โWe need to teach a sense of humility,โ says Angela. โItโs good for them to be proud and excited, but they also need to remember that someone else lost. We need to teach them to be kind.โ She also emphasizes the importance of telling our children when theyโre behaving inappropriately.
Finally, model good sportsmanship. โAs a parent, itโs essential to be supportive, but we need to be careful,โ says Angela. โIn order to teach sportsmanship, we really have to watch what we ourselves are doing. More than anything, our children learn from watching us.โ
Learning together
Looking for the perfect opportunity to help your child learn to be a good sport? Here are Angela MacKayโs top three parent-child activities:
- Relax: Yoga teaches a variety of important skills. It builds selfawareness, helps children be present in the moment and encourages them to focus. These are all skills that can transfer to competitive sports. Not only will these skills help children keep their emotions in check, theyโll also improve their game.
- Play Outside: Remember spending whole afternoons playing hide and seek in the backyard? Angela thinks we need to get back to basics. Games like hide and seek and kick the can promote creativity and focus. Plus, they arenโt formally competitive and the rules have a little more flexibility than traditional sports.
- Play Inside: Board games offer the perfect opportunity to model good sportsmanship to our children. If theyโre used to playing with a group of children and one adult coach, theyโre not as likely to notice an adult modeling good behaviour. By playing a board game one-on-one, youโre giving them a great example of how to behave.
Originally published in ParentsCanada magazine, December 2013.
