How to deal with your child entering high school

As your teen makes the jump to high
school, are you scratching your head and
asking yourself, “Now what?”

That’s what I found myself doing
when my teenage son came home and
removed a frozen pack of bacon from
his backpack. He had “found” it in the
refrigerator of the room where they were
having a soccer meeting.

As he proceeded to thaw the bacon
in the microwave to make a sandwich, I
wondered if I should call the principal
and report the missing bacon. This was
just one of many times I questioned how
much a parent gets involved once your
kid is in high school.

While schools prepare students to deal
with the transition of that first year of
high school, parents are often confused
as to how their role changes. Should
parents help with homework? Volunteer
at school? Or should they just step back
to encourage independence? What
exactly is the parent protocol in a high
school environment?

When Dr. Carmen Mombourquette
was a high school principal, he found
parents tended to be one of two extremes.
“Parents would either take a hands-off
approach – sink or swim – or would
be far too involved at a time when the
teenager is craving independence.”

While research supports that being
involved in our children’s education
contributes to their success, what is
less clear is what type of involvement
works best for high school students. This
led Dr. Mombourquette, now assistant
professor at the University of Lethbridge,
to study the relationship between the
type of parent involvement and the
impact it has on high school students.
His study focused on four areas: student
engagement in school-related activities,
academic achievement, attendance and
attitude toward school.

The research uncovered something
surprising: Parents being active
volunteers or more visible within the
school didn’t translate into their kids
having better grades or better attitudes
toward school. In fact, his research of
500 high school students showed there
was a negative relationship between
the two. This runs counter to what is
known about parental involvement at the
elementary level.

Does this mean parents shouldn’t
venture past the high school parking lot?

Not exactly. Dr. Mombourquette
encourages paying special attention to
what your teenager is doing at school
through ongoing conversations and
rich dialogue. “By keeping a solid
understanding of what’s going on in
their lives, parents can continue to play
a signifi cant role without being actively
involved, without being bossy, but
maintaining an active interest.”

When asked how parents should
deal with the ubiquitous one-word
answers to “How was school today?”,
Dr. Mombourquette suggests taking
a back door route. “Talk about what’s
happening with the playoffs, in your
community, world events and from there,
tie that in with what they’re doing at
school.”

The type of parent involvement that
had the most positive infl uence came
from a combination of what parents did
at home and in their participation in the
more formal decision-making process of
the school (PTA, School Council, sports
governing bodies). Student attendance
was the only area where the type of
parental involvement didn’t seem to have
any particular impact.

In short, it’s not how much you are
involved in your teenager’s education,
but rather, how you are involved. For
positive ways to be involved, see sidebar.

In case you’re wondering how I
handled the case of the missing bacon, I
decided not to report it. I chalked it up to
a lapse in judgment and told my son
if he wanted to bring bacon home, it
had to be the kind we could put in his
bank account.

Here's how you can stay positively involved in high school

• Set up the house
  to support the
  extra workload
  and establish basic
  house rules. Create
  study spaces and
  set time limits for
  digital devices and
  TV. It’s okay to be
  flexible with the
  rules as long as the
  exception doesn’t
  slowly become the
  norm.
• Ask about
  homework
  assignments and
  classroom learning
  – not by doing it or
  correcting it – just
  be up to date with
  the topics discussed
  in class. Pick up on
  cues to further the
  discussion about
  topics you may
  know something
  about or inquire
  about the ones you
  don’t; your teen
  may just bring that
  question back to
  class.
• Attend school
  information
  sessions, meettheteacher
  night and
  sporting events
  with your teen.
  Encourage school
  spirit and belonging
  by attending cultural
  and variety shows
  put on by the
  students. Check out
  the school website
  for photos and
  videos of events
  you are unable to
  attend.
• Set expectations
  and goals, and
  keep an ongoing
  dialogue about the
  future and what
  that may include,
  whether it’s work,
  college or university.

Originally published in ParentsCanada magazine, August/September 2013.