Elon Musk and Grimes' co-parenting snafu in the spotlight highlights the importance of communication and boundaries in shared parenting.

There are many things I hate about being a single mom. (Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of things I love about it, too, so it all evens out.) But up there on the list of things I detest is my kids popping up on social media without my knowledge. I loathe getting texts from family and friends asking after my girls because they’ve seen a photo on my co-parent’s account, or inquiring how I’m doing if it looks like they’re away for the weekend—especially since my close friends know I'm a worrywart with a capital W. But at least my co-parent has a private account and it’s just that we share many of the same friends.

I can’t imagine what it’s like when you or your co-parent is famous or has a public persona. It’s tough enough not knowing how your child is doing when they’re not with you, but it’s worse if you find out along with the rest of the world.

This week, Canadian musician Grimes experienced just that.

Musk and Grimes' Co-Parenting Story

Grimes, who was born Claire Boucher in Vancouver, and tech mogul Elon Musk were in a relationship from 2018 to 2022. In May 2020, they welcomed a son, initially named X Æ A-12. However, the state of California rejected the name because of the numerals used, leading them to settle on X Æ A-Xii, which is usually shortened to X (no kidding). The couple also had a daughter via surrogacy a year later, and despite their separation in early 2022, Musk and Grimes added a third son to their family in 2023.

Musk also has nine other children.

While Musk’s personal life is complex, it’s the public side of his life that often takes centre stage. Especially lately. With Musk’s increasing involvement in Donald Trump’s administration and his influence over initiatives like the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), he frequently appears at White House briefings and other high-profile government events. But what doesn’t always make sense is the presence of Musk’s children at these proceedings.

Famous Co-Parent Miscommunication

Take last Thursday, for example. Musk’s son X appeared at a 30-minute White House briefing, often standing between his father and President Trump. The four-year-old was clearly bored—he parroted his father, rubbed his eyes, was easily distracted by other people in attendance and may have told Trump to “go away” (the jury’s still out on that one). He even told the president he had to pee at one point. In essence, he was just being a kid.

However, what stood out was that Grimes didn’t know her son would be there. She found out through her social media followers, who alerted her to the situation. She reportedly tweeted, “He should not be in public like this. I did not see this, thank u for alerting me. But I'm glad he was polite. Sigh.”

Her response was remarkably restrained—definitely more measured than what mine would have been. Because honestly, communication is at the heart of effective co-parenting. And a trip to the Oval Office is not akin to an impromptu visit to Baskin Robbins.

The Importance of Communication in Co-Parenting 

Whether it’s about something as monumental as a public appearance (and it really doesn’t get more public than a White House event) or as simple as coordinating pick-up times, it’s imperative to find ways to communicate, to stay on the same page. (There are tons of apps to help with this particularly contentious part of co-parenting; it’s just about finding something that works.)

Grimes’ reaction to her son being in the briefing room highlights how important it is to communicate—whether it’s for small, everyday matters or unexpected events. Without that communication, misunderstandings can quickly spiral.

Setting Boundaries for a Healthy Co-Parenting Relationship 

After communication, setting clear boundaries is next on the list of co-parenting best practices. When you share responsibilities with a co-parent, especially in a situation as complex as Musk and Grimes’ public lives, both parties need to understand what is acceptable to the other person. While it’s understandable that children may occasionally be brought into professional settings, having agreed-upon guidelines can help to avoid uncomfortable or awkward situations.

In Grimes’ case, her surprise at seeing her son in such a public forum suggests a lack of clarity around when and where their child should be involved in his father’s public life.

Consistency and Flexibility Go Hand in Hand 

Consistency in routines helps create stability for children. But flexibility is equally important—especially when the unexpected happens. Co-parents should be able to pivot and adjust when necessary. While it’s important to establish a routine and guidelines, life often throws curveballs, and the ability to adapt is key to keeping things running smoothly. By balancing both consistency and flexibility, parents can make decisions that best serve the needs of their children while maintaining a healthy co-parenting dynamic.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t seem to be a factor in this current Musk and Grimes' co-parenting dust-up. Musk has referred to X and his siblings as his “emotional support humans,” which means their presence is much more about him than it is about them. But that’s a problem for another day, isn't it?