Kindness, compassion and consideration for others doesn’t develop overnight, but parents can help nurture it from an early age. Here are five everyday ways to model and teach kids empathy.
Regardless of the circumstances, when kids are unkind—whether to a sibling, friend or stranger—we need to remember that they may not fully understand how their behaviour affects someone else. Empathy and compassion are skills that develop over time, and kids learn a lot about both by watching the people around them.
“Unlike good table manners, which can be learned over time, these are traits that are caught rather than taught,” says Mary Gordon, Toronto-based founder and president of Roots of Empathy. “Children repeat the behaviour they’ve witnessed. If they haven’t seen and experienced compassion in their lives, they can’t exemplify it.”
So how can you best teach kids empathetic behaviour? Easy. Role modeling. Start when kids are young and be consistent with your approach, says Colleen Stratton, psychologist at ABC Psychological Services in Edmonton. “Kindness and compassion are virtues easily developed within children, but whether or not they see these traits valued in their upbringing is what determines whether they stick,” she says.
Ultimately, children are open to learning and will imitate what they see—whether it’s respect, tolerance, kindness and empathy, or cruelty, bullying and violence. That makes encouraging and modelling positive behaviour a huge priority.
If you want to encourage your child teach kids empathy, start by setting an example. Here’s how:
Be communicative
Little eyes constantly look to you for an example—and approval—so let them know how much you value thoughtful gestures. According to Martha Scully, founder and president of CanadianNanny.ca, recognizing a child’s empathetic moments is one of the best things you can do to encourage more of them.
“Praising a child when you’ve seen them be kind is important because they not only understand that doing something compassionate generates praise, but it’s also a great way to show them how important those virtues are to you.”
On the flip side, be just as direct about your thoughts on unkind behaviour. Just because you understand why your child snatched their favourite toy from a friend’s hand doesn’t mean you should stand idly by and let it happen.
Spell out your expectations for how others should be treated early on. This sets the tone for your child’s conduct, letting them know what is and isn’t okay. When situations arise that can be used as opportunities to teach kindness, use them. Saying something like, “I know you really like playing with that horse, but grabbing it out of Hailey’s hand wasn’t very nice,” reminds them that kindness is important, while keeping the negative attention on the behaviour rather than the child.
Lastly, discuss what it means to be kind. Being empathetic can mean different things to different people, so spell out what it means to you by saying something like, “We’re being kind when we think about other people’s feelings and not just our own. We’re being kind when we share, when we help someone who can’t do certain things on their own, or when we do something to let someone know they’re important to us. Kindness makes people happy, and it’s important to me that you always try your best to be a kind person.”
Be boastful
If humility is a virtue, consider shelving it when you’re trying to encourage kindness in a child, says Mary. “Parents tend to perform empathetic acts so naturally that they often go unnoticed. When trying to exemplify compassion and have your child adopt that behaviour, make a point of dialing all your good deeds up a few notches,” she says.
That could mean bringing flowers to an elderly neighbour, asking a cashier at the grocery store how their day is going, opening the door for someone or picking up a piece of litter on your way in or out of a store—all while your child is along for the ride. Be sure to highlight what you’re doing, explain why you’re doing it and how good you feel when it’s done.
Be consistent
It’s one thing to say you value kindness; it’s another to behave as though you do. “If you want your child to be nice to others, but you yourself are always fighting with your partner, the message gets missed,” says Martha.
Make it a priority to consistently be caring and compassionate to others (pets included), while making your child feel safe, loved and secure. Children pay close attention to what the adults around them do, so make sure your actions reinforce the values you're asking them to practise.
Be vulnerable
Let your kids see you feeling sad or upset so they have opportunities to recognize and respond to other people's emotions. “Explain how the actions of others impact you. This teaches them early on that being thoughtful, compassionate and kind can have a beneficial impact on the way someone feels,” says Colleen.
You can also name your own emotions and those you notice in everyday life. Helping kids connect an emotion with what may have caused it gives them practice thinking about experiences from someone else's perspective.
Be involved
Make helping others a family affair. Enlist your child’s help in whipping up a cake for a new neighbour, arranging flowers in a bouquet for a sick friend or helping with the cleanup after a community event. Have them fill and donate a box of their outgrown clothes to a local shelter or bake and drop off a batch of their grandpa’s favourite cookies.
By including them in your good deeds—however small—they’ll find out firsthand what it means to do something for someone else and how good it can feel to brighten another person's day.
Originally published in ParentsCanada, April 2012. Updated August 2026.
