Grandparenting questions are common, given the new territory, new boundaries and new joys that come with welcoming a grandchild. Here’s expert advice on how to stay connected, helpful and respectful through it all.
Being a grandparent is one of life’s sweetest roles—but it can also come with a few modern-day dilemmas. You want to be involved and helpful, but you don’t want to step on toes. You want to have special bonds with your grandchildren but you want to maintain your own autonomy. The list goes on.
If you’re wondering what’s appropriate, what’s outdated and how to keep everyone feeling respected, read on for some of the most common grandparenting questions about navigating relationships, boundaries and changes to the extended family structure.
Are grandparent rights a thing?
Sort of. In Canada, grandparents don’t have automatic legal rights to see their grandchldren, but they can apply for access through the courts. Decisions are always based on what’s in the child’s best interests—a judge will look at the existing relationship between the child and their grandparents, the parents’ wishes and how the arrangement would affect the child’s wellbeing.
So the short answer is, grandparents can seek access, but even if you petition the court, there’s no guaranteed outcome. If possible, try to resolve conflicts outside the courtroom. Open communication and mediation tend to preserve family ties far better than legal proceedings.
Should grandparents have baby showers with their friends to get ready for grandchildren?
This one needs some context. A small “grandparent sprinkle” with your close friends can be a fun way to celebrate and gather a few essentials for when the baby visits—think storybooks, a crib or extra sleepers for your home. But a full-on baby shower with a registry and everything? You run the risk of upstaging (and, let’s be real, upsetting) the parents-to-be.
That why it’s always important to check with expecting moms and dads. They might already have plans for their own shower, or they may not want a shower at all. The key is to celebrate in a way that supports the new parents, rather than adding pressure or setting the tone for competition.
How do grandparents end up overstepping their boundaries?
It almost always comes from a good place—wanting to help, share experiences or protect your children and grandchildren. But some common trip-ups include offering too much advice, questioning parenting choices or trying to “correct” routines.
To stay on the right side of the line, lead with curiosity instead of instruction, and even then, pick your moments (you can’t be “curious” about every single decision!). Ask before stepping in, respect the parents’ decisions even when you disagree and remember: You’ve had your turn at parenting. Now it’s time to enjoy being the support system (and the fun ones!).
Should grandparents be paid to provide regular childcare?
This one can be tricky. Many grandparents are happy to help for free from time to time, but if the arrangement becomes regular—say, several days a week—it’s fair to talk about compensation, or at least covering costs like gas and meals.
The goal isn’t to make watching your grandchildren feel transactional, but instead to keep things balanced and sustainable. Honest conversations early on help to avoid resentment later. A shared understanding of schedules, expectations and boundaries makes it easier to enjoy the time you spend together.
How do you avoid competing with the other set of grandparents?
Every family handles this differently, but comparison rarely helps. Try to focus on building a unique relationship instead of trying to create the same role as the other grandparents. Maybe they travel with the kids, while you host cozy weekends at home. Maybe they’re the crafty ones and you’re the storyteller.
It’s no secret that children benefit from different types of relationships and experiences. Go out of your way to celebrate what each side brings, which will allow you to share the joy instead of dividing it.
When should grandparents step in during a family crisis?
During tough times—illness, divorce, financial strain—grandparents often become an important lifeline for their children and grandchildren. But there’s no hard and fast rule on when it’s appropriate to get involved. Step in when help is clearly needed or when a child’s wellbeing is at risk, but tread gently. Offer support without taking over.
Think about asking open questions like “How can I help right now?” or “Would it be useful if I…?” Sometimes just being a calm, steady presence means more than actually solving the problem.
How do you start special traditions with grandchildren?
This is where you can really shine. Start with something small but meaningful—if you live nearby, extend a standing invite for Saturday morning pancakes, or, as kids get a little older, start a shared journal. If your grandkids are a little farther afield, do bedtime stories by video chat a few times a week, or plan an annual trip you can all look forward to. Traditions don’t need to be elaborate to be lasting.
