Writer Beth Rush reflects on what it's like to be from a family of 17 kids, and why she's chosen to have a much smaller family as an adult.

Having 16 siblings is probably an experience very few can relate to. Growing up in a big family shaped me into the person and mother I am today, but it sure was chaotic.

So Much Love to Give

My parents were truly meant to be parents. Their decision to adopt and expand our family was built on the idea that family is more than just blood. They saw adoption as a way to provide children in need with a loving home and opportunities they might not otherwise have had.

The Chaos and Joy of a Big Family

The first thing anyone imagines when they hear about a family with 17 kids is the sheer chaos. And yes, it was chaotic, but it was also incredibly joyful. Our home buzzed with energy from sunrise to sunset, filled with laughter while some played games, the constant hum of overlapping conversations and the occasional bickering of disagreements we quickly resolved with hugs.

Each morning started with the sounds of alarms going off in different rooms. Getting ready for school was a carefully choreographed dance of taking showers in shifts and fighting over the hairbrush. I vividly remember my sisters and I constantly arguing over how long we were taking in front of the mirror — we all needed to get our hair perfect for the school day.

Breakfasts were prepared in assembly lines, with mom and dad trying to remember who wanted peanut butter on their toast or who asked for apple juice rather than orange juice. I still don’t know how they did it.

Getting out the door each morning was a challenge all on its own. The younger kids often misplaced shoes in a rush to get out the door, so the older kids often helped out where necessary. Mom and Dad each had a minivan, and we loaded into the back, scrambling into our agreed-upon seats. As one of the eldest, I often got to sit up front with Dad — something I loved.

Dinner time was another story. Our dining table — which seemed to stretch on forever to accommodate us all — was often crowded with our friends from the neighbourhood. It was a hub of animated discussions and lively debates about what we learned at school or ate for lunch. Passing the mashed potatoes felt like a relay race, but there was never a dull moment.

Preferences for certain foods were always respected and seconds were encouraged — except perhaps when my dad went pescatarian. Fish wasn’t a well-liked food in our household, but as the main cook in the home, my mom did everything to accommodate my dad. While she tried to encourage us that omega-3s were essential to strengthen our hearts and brains, the older siblings were not on board. She managed to convert the little ones, though, and fish fingers became a popular dish at dinner time.

Weekends and holidays were epic affairs. During these times, our home would overflow with even more laughter and love. As usual, children from the area would join us for lively celebrations. Birthdays — which felt like they happened every other week — were especially grand, with a lineup of celebrations for each sibling. Mom always went the extra mile to personalise cakes and hand-make cards overflowing with well wishes. It was the one day a year when the attention was solely on the birthday boy or girl.

Carrying the Love Forward

While I wouldn’t change my upbringing for the world, it’s definitely why I decided to have just two children. Helping care for 16 others made raising two seem like a breeze.

Growing up with so many people around me taught me the importance of keeping my word. With so many siblings, our household operated on routines and responsibilities that required everyone to pitch in and fulfill their commitments.

I take an authoritative parenting approach with my kids because I believe in setting clear expectations, boundaries and consequences while encouraging open communication and mutual respect.

My son has a shy, melancholic temperament, while my daughter is more outgoing and confident. Understanding their unique personalities has been crucial in adapting my parenting style. With my son, I create an environment where he feels safe and respected. I encourage him to express himself at his own pace and provide gentle guidance to help him navigate social interactions.

My daughter thrives in social situations, so I nurture her outgoing nature by encouraging her to explore new activities and opportunities. However, I also ensure she understands the importance of empathy and respect for others’ feelings.

Ultimately, growing up in a big family has instilled a deep appreciation for love and connection. Because there were so many of us, there wasn’t always enough attention to go around. While I don’t hold this against my parents, it’s something I carry forward into my parenting.

Despite the challenges, the sheer amount of love and support in our home was extraordinary. These childhood lessons continue to guide me as I navigate the joys and struggles of parenthood, ensuring my kids are always surrounded by warmth and understanding.

It Takes a Village

While growing up in a large family certainly had its chaotic moments, it was also a source of immense happiness, love and learning. The bonds we formed, the lessons we learned and the memories we created together have made me into the person I am today.

As I raise my own children, I carry these lessons of patience and empathy with me. My upbringing has influenced my parenting style, but it’s also instilled in me a deep appreciation for the richness that comes from a large, loving family.