HE WON'T SLEEP ALONE
Q: I am the mother of two boys – two and five. My youngest will not sleep in his bed; only with me. When he was a baby I was in the hospital a lot due to kidney failure and ever since he will not let me out of his sight. How can I get him to sleep in his bed without upsetting him? – MELISSA H, TORONTO, ON

Getting your son to sleep in his own bed without upsetting him is probably not going to happen. However, getting him to sleep in his own bed is a possibility. Here’s a reminder of some of the basics:
1) Be firm. Say, “You are sleeping in your own bed.” It’s not negotiable, it’s a fact.
2) Deal with bedtime at bedtime. Don’t talk about it all day.
3) Set a time and a routine for bedtime and stick to it.
4) Focus on the positive of this experience. Saying things such as, “I know you can do it!” View it as character building rather than as a problem. Try this for three nights and return him to his own bed every time he ventures out.
Specifically for you, try setting up a ‘nest’ next to your bed with blankets and pillows. This allows him access to your room, but not to your bed. The move from the bed to the nest often encourages an easier and less-upsetting transition. This halfway mark means you are making some progress while aiming for a more achievable goal. The nest changes the dynamics of the situation and allows for new events to take place.


FOUR-YEAR-OLD FIGHTER
Q: My son, who is almost four, has been hitting both his father and me whenever he gets upset with us. Lately, he has been pinching. Today, he scratched a little girl at daycare who had been his best friend. I don’t know if it’s a phase, or it’s going to get worse. We talk to him about it repeatedly. He gets a timeout when he hits us, but it hasn’t stopped him. He can be such a wonderful loving little boy but if he gets upset or frustrated, the first thing he does is start hitting. Is there anything we can do to stop this behaviour? – DEBBY R, SASKATOON, SK

There’s a split-second before children act the way they feel. Parents need to teach children to identify this moment and to make good choices at that time. Once children can identify this moment, the next task is to help them name the feeling. Talking, rather than acting out, moves towards a common strategy sometimes referred to as ‘using your words’.
While working at this with your child, you could begin to use feeling language in your day-to-day activities. Say things such as, ‘I’m feeling tired’ at the end of the day, or perhaps, ‘I’m feeling frustrated’ while in traffic. Most of us find that we, too, are acting the way we feel a little too often!
When you spot a moment where you think there could have been a hit, bite or a scratch – make sure to reinforce the positive. At those moments, saying, “Good boy, I think you could have hit me, but you didn’t. You’re really getting good at this, now tell me how you feel” will go a long way in moving ahead.